I'm a guy, and these tips are for guys. I won't pretend to understand women's fashion.
1. Never wear sweatpants. Ever. Not even if you're a gym coach. Sweatpants went out with--forget that. Sweatpants were never in.
2. Never, never, never, never, never, never wear sweatpants. Not ever.
3. A suit is probably pushing it. Elbow patches? Who are you, Professor 'Enry 'Iggins?
4. Jeans once a week. Maybe twice.
5. If it has a collar, it'd better come matched with an undershirt, or that top button had better be buttoned. No one wants to see your chest flora.
6. Short sleeves and ties do not mix, unless you're a history teacher doing a unit on the dawn of the Information Age.
7. Speaking of ties, ashcan at least 50% of your collection immediately. If you're not sure which should stay and which should go, bring them all into class and let your students choose. Don't be offended if no ties make the cut.
8. Smell everything you wear before you wear it. Promise me you'll do this.
9. When wearing slacks, always wear a belt.
10. Never iron jeans with a crease. I shouldn't have to tell you this.
11. Zippercheck before you leave for school. (If you live in a wintery climate, this is tough to forget.)
12. Never wear sweatpants. You think I'm joking?
[seventy-ninth in a series]